TOOLS that start with taking a moment

unlocking your wellness

Tiad a feel tiad?

Martine King

If your “normal” is tired, it’s “abnormal.” Even though everyone has days when they feel exhausted, constantly feeling run down and tired isn’t normal. Being constantly busy is not normal despite what the status quo of the last 50 years has demanded.

Feeling tired… fatigued… exhausted… can be attributed to many factors, some of the most common are a lack of sound sleep, deficiencies in certain vitamins, dehydration, reliance on caffeine and alcohol, weight, food choices, certain medical conditions and of course, chronic stress. This article will focus on the latter.

Stress, in the right amounts for a certain time is our ally, Eustress to be specific. Chronic stress is our foe. Eustress is what helps us to feel motivated, get tasks done, plan and make use of the moment. Chronic stress is a continued state of alertness, it «keeps our mind vigilant and our nervous system vigilant, and that uses more energy,» says Elissa Epel, a psychologist at the University of California. That’s one reason that prolonged stress can leave us feeling drained.

Modern society seems to have made “busy” the standard of success which has left generations of people feeling lazy, unambitious, and less worthy should they not be able to always keep up with an unhuman pace. This has led to an increase in anxiety, depression, and other mental disorders; an increase in drug use; unhealthy eating and other lifestyle factors all of which contribute to a constant state of tiredness. 

When we’re anxious, our hearts race and our muscles tense up as we prepare to fight a predator or run from it. But you can only sprint for a short amount of time. Not a year, and not a year where they keep moving the finish line. We are not built to function like that. We can’t do that forever. Eventually our muscles and our body say, “No, I’m tired.”

So if yu “tiad a feel tiad” stop long enough to ask yourself the following questions and then choose an area to start making a change, slow steps, when you fall back to old behaviors (because you will) allow yourself to feel like crap for a bit, then start again, practice makes progress.

 

Do I often feel tired?

Do I often feel tired even after a night’s sleep?

Have I tried different things to feel less tired, more energized and it did not help much?

Have I accepted that feeling tired most of the time is just a way of life?

Make a list of what may be contributing to your state of tiredness. Choose top 3.

How are those top 3 affecting you physically, emotionally, cognitively (thinking)?

What is one small change you can make in one of the areas listed in the question above? Stick to that change for 66 days before starting another change. When you fall back, start again.

Change: It’s a love/hate kinda thing

Martine King

At both beginnings and endings, we embark on making changes, even if that change means staying the same in some aspect, it’s a deviation from a pattern, a habit, a current constant. It is only if we stop long enough to pause that we can really acknowledge the amount of time, energy, space and effort that change holds in our lives. Yet, most of us have rocky and inconsistent relationships with change. It can be elusive.  It can be painful. It can be joyous and freeing.

As a mental health professional, I am often asked if I believe people can change and my answer is always a resounding HELL YES, VERY HARD BUT YES. I know my own successes and failures with change, past and current. Professionally, every client comes for support in making a desired change of some sort.

It is a new year so expectations for change may be high for many whether in the form of New Year’s resolutions or goals based on the reviews of the last year and hopes for the future. Change as we all know is constant, as long as we are alive, it will be a part of our lives so how do we create a healthier relationship with this constant.

Countless research, articles, opinions, books and online entries offer valuable stages and tools to help with making and sticking to desired changes. This excerpt is no different. Below I’ll list some of what research has consistently found to be true of change and then I’ll speak more on a personal level with the aim of supporting those who venture to use a similar approach.  I say venture because at the end of the day, the facts on change provided by sound research are very useful but I feel, more important, is to keep trying to create a relationship with change that works with you and is flexible enough to keep accepting more change.

Change is a constant. Change brings opportunities and endings. Unexpected changes can be most scary and difficult. The brain resists the unfamiliar as a part of self-preservation; Change powers becoming, growth and hope; Change involves emotions; Consistent change requires consistent attention for habit formation which can take at least 8 weeks…..

In 41 years, I have embarked on quite a few change journeys, some helpful to this day; others are still a challenge and continue to be in motion; others have become redundant and are no longer prioritized.

For those desired changes that continue to challenge me, I continue to challenge myself, what is making this change so hard to do on a consistent enough basis to yield the results I say I so want?

How can I want it so badly (or so I tell myself) that it takes up so much of my time and energy yet in those moments when I have the choice to choose differently, I still do not?

Does this then mean I do not really want the change enough to sacrifice the moment (the short term) for the desired change (medium/long term)? Does this make me a fraud?

Is it really my goal or a society/job/partner/child/parental/gender expectation?

And the questions about. When is the last time you have stopped to generate or welcome these types of reflective questions and given them the time and the space for the discomfort they may create? If you have not done this recently, then this may be the place to start. Think of a change(s) you have wanted for a while and have not been able to consistently uphold and ask yourself these questions, ending with if you really know the why behind the change you say you desire.

If you decide that the change is important enough to seek. Then plan it out with using INTENTIONALLITY and by setting REALISTIC GOALS, it’s a long haul kinda thing; it’s a love/hate kind thing and know, even with small steps, emotional and physical discomfort will surface and make old patterns seem very safe and inviting.

I want to lose weight; say it, write it; claim it, be bold for you every day. On your mirror, on your screen, on post-its, shout it in your mind and/or to a friend. Say before bed and first thing in the morning.

I want to save money; I want to be more present; I want to be energetic; etc; etc……..

In summary, consistent change does not happen as efficiently without awareness, intentionality and constant re-evaluation. Stop long enough to reconnect with the purpose of the change and if you are still willing to give it attention as you would a new born baby. If you are not, put it on the back burner and decide what you choose to give you attention and intentionality to and when you know that, do it daily, loudly and knowing that when the discomfort comes, you will need to learn to deal with it but that is for another article.

Self Understanding

Vanessa Sandoval

I often say to my clients “the more self aware one becomes, the greater the responsibility one acquires”. Why is this so? Because I’ve learned that only the person who takes the time to work on his/herself develops a further understanding of the reasoning behind one’s and other’s behaviors. Therefore is able to cultivate compassion and empathy to ensure a better understanding of the messages being sent across.

If you are among the 20% of us (where I consider myself to be as I always look to grow) that works on further understanding yourself, here is a great tool. Sometimes we find ourselves in the predicament of decision making. This process will also lead us to a further understanding of self.

Resolve your dichotomies by Marshall Goldsmith

  1. List as many dichotomies (opposing behaviors or thoughts) that you find interesting or have intrigued you at any moment. Make sure you have a t least 20.
  2. Cross out completely each dichotomy (both opposing words) that you believe describes you the least or that doesn’t really apply to you.
  3. Look at the remaining dichotomies very carefully and determine which half of each pair mostly reflects you. Then cross out the half of the pairs that least applies to you.
  4. You will find that the words that you haven’t crossed out paint a perfect picture of who you are.
  5. If you’d like to take it even further, share with someone you trust and compare comments.

When we think about someone else’s behavior and it bothers or triggers us, it’s a good moment to look within ourselves through an objective lens which is what this exercise provides.

We’d love and appreciate learning more about your self understanding journey. We are here to help.

Uniqueness

Vanessa Sandoval

All of us are as different as the amount of stars in the sky. What makes us unique is that we are completed by all of the components that we have acquired through nature (undeniable genetics) and nurture (learned behaviors).

Starting our journey to become aware of ourselves helps us to further understand such components. This is the first tool to unlock wellness as everything else will stem from there. A component that we usually take for granted is our self-talk. That little voice in our mind may sound like ours or it may sound like one of our parents’ or it even may sound like someone we truly admire. 

TAKE A MOMENT to…

  1. In a place with as little distractions as possible, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Acknowledge that there is a type of voice you usually go to, whether it be positive or negative.
  2. Now think of the last time you failed at accomplishing something you wanted really badly, what was the first thing you remember you said to yourself? Did it sound like ”no worries, you’ll get it next time” or “you didn’t prepare enough so you definitely didn’t deserve it”.
  3. Then create your own mojo, a phrase that will help you uplift your inner voice in those moments where you have become judgemental. For example: “you have always found a light at the end of the tunnel”.
  4. Say it out loud looking at yourself in the mirror and repeat it enough so it starts becoming automatic.

We all are unique beings. Find your own uniqueness taking time in, bringing alive your true inner self. If you need assistance, we are here to help.

Changes

Vanessa Sandoval

There is a wonderful concept in Buddhism I was introduced to called “impermanence”. It is the notion that the emotions, thoughts, and material possessions we hold now do not last (Goldsmith & Reiter, 2022). We are constantly reliving the notion of impermanence through our daily struggles of loss.

As difficult as it may be for some of us, we have to let go of people, possessions, and beliefs, as the only constant is change. This notion has been especially difficult to grasp for me. I have a very hard time letting go of anything I hold dear. Although rationally I know and have understood that “nothing lasts forever”, my emotional self is slower to understand.

But this notion of impermanence that I have adopted has helped me accept and understand the recent loss of my mother. I have never experienced such pain in my life. It reminded me once again that every minute that passes, we are never the same again. This thought has become liberating as it brings on possibilities of growth and self improvement.

So let us stop waiting for the right moment, let us stop thinking we will be happy when we have achieved something we so long for. Let us let go of that pervasive mindset that as everything in life, doesn’t last. Let us accept that nothing is forever and the only constant in life is change. I embrace change as it is my intention. 

What is your intention towards change?

References 

Goldsmith, M. & Reiter, M. (2022) The earned life: Lose Regret, Chose Fulfillment; Currency Editorial; page 49.